A little English humour - July 2004
This is an accident report, which was printed in a newsletter from the The British Workers' Compensation Board. This is the bricklayer's report - a true story.
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident report form.
I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be about 350kg.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in block #11 of the accident report form that my weight is 95kg.
Due to my surprise at being pulled off the ground so suddenly, I lost concentration and forgot to let go of the rope. Of course, I then proceeded at a rapid speed up the side of the building. At the level of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now falling downwards at an equally impressive speed. This explains my fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were stuck deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my concentration and was able to hold tightly to the rope, despite the severe pain I was now beginning to experience.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now without the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 35kg. I refer you again to my weight: 95kg. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. At the level of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for my two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the bricks on the ground and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the ground, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my concentration and let go of the rope. It then lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
Your sincerely,
David Beckitt
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