Lydia's Top Tips - July
2005
If you want to change a state, the first thing to do is become aware of it. You can only change a state when you are aware of it.
Start now. Notice how you feel in your body. Comfortable , relaxed, uncomfortable, rigid, tense, heavy, light?
Change position if you are uncomfortable or tense. Now how do you feel? You’ve just changed state.
You can do exactly the same with your thoughts and emotions.
We take beliefs and values, behaviour and capabilities from our parents or carers, and we often take the state that goes with them!
Noticing states
We elicit states in others all the time through our words, voice tone and body language. Often without realising what we are doing. But we often don’t notice another person’s state. Calibration is the skill of recognising states in others. How can we do this?
We cannot rely on people to tell us how they feel. People say they’re fine but in reality they are not.
There are many subtle indicators of a person’s state: their breathing, skin colour, head angle, voice tone and pupil dilation.
All these things are sensory specific and do not involve guesswork. All you need to do is pay attention to them.
Fast breathing can indicate anger, fear, or excitement. Blushing (red skin colour) can indicate embarrassment or resistance.
A tilted head can mean interest, curiosity or feeling unsure.
Calibration is not mind-reading. It is correlating signs you can see and hear with the other person’s state.
Try this experiment with someone you know. Ask them to think of a person they like very much. As they do this, make a mental snapshot of them. Particularly their face, breathing, skin tone, posture, eyes and mouth. Ask them to count to 3 so you can hear their voice tone. We often disregard these signs. They are important as they are the physiology of your friend’s state.
Now ask your friend to think of someone they dislike. Notice how they look and sound different.
Next, ask them to think of one of the two people without telling you which one
You will know which it is by calibrating which physiology they go into.
Now you are aware of your state and also others’ states. So next time we can discover how to choose the state we want to be in for optimum learning and performance.
Meantime, have a wonderful summer and speak to you in September.
INVITATION: "ELEVATOR TO THE BEACH" >>
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