Lydia's Top Tips - September 2004
As well as saving time by classifying all body language gestures into a limited number of channels, this simple yet powerful system of reading your colleague's, client's, supplier's or buyer's message reminds you to look for a cluster of gestures.
This is important, since many people are able to control their facial expressions. Interestingly, 90% of all people judge attitudes in others by observing only their faces. Some smiles are genuine.
But how many times have you smiled and nodded agreeably to someone you didn't particularly like? Do you ever frown, even though you're not really that unhappy, just to get your way? Well colleagues, clients, suppliers and buyers are people too.
Even if interested, buyers may frown in an effort to get the price down. They may look puzzled when they want to pump you for more information.
As part of the socialisation process, children learn to alter their facial expressions at will. "Don't let others know they've made you angry" "No-one likes someone who looks in a bad mood".
So we develop masks - expressions that project how we should feel, instead of what we're really thinking.
However, most people are completely unaware of the secrets the rest of their body is giving away. This is an advantage for you now. It is almost as helpful as being able to read minds. All the information you need is in front of you. With a little practice, you'll see how easy it is.
How to Handle Green, Yellow and Red Signals
By the time a client, colleague, buyer of supplier expresses a negative attitude, she has decided not to go ahead.
You may be able to save the situation with open, concerned nonverbal signals. However, it is much better to deal with her problems early - as soon as you receive the first yellow warning signals - e.g
- Body angle - leaning away from you
- Face - tense, doubtful, guarded, frustrated
- Arms - crossed, tense
- Hands - clasped, tense, fidgeting with objects or parts of the body
- Legs - crossed away from you
Each time the person you are communicating with gives you a signal you have 4 alternatives.
- You can ignore the signal
- Imitate it
- Synchronise your signals with the other person's
- Try to initiate another signal
Notice that I did not say "how to react to" these signals at the beginning of the section. I said 'how to handle them.' The whole purpose of managing body language is to break away from automatic reactions to negative signals. Then respond to them with more useful, positive gestures. The aim is to handle them better.
And that's exactly what I'll be handling next month.
Till then, keep observing and practising. Results are sure.
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