Lydia's Top Tips - June 2004
Did you know that during the average 30-minute interaction between 2 people there are approximately 800 different nonverbal messages?
Think about the last meeting you had with a colleague, client, supplier or buyer. Can you recall his or her basic sitting position. Did he lean forward or backward in his chair? You may have seen her smile, but did you notice her skin colour change when she disagreed with you but said nothing.
Most people focus on the verbal part of a communication with another person. Some of them listen to the tone of voice and how the words are said. And even fewer pay attention to body language. However this tends to focus almost exclusively on facial expressions and not the rest of the body.
Reading another person's body language is not the only goal in mastering nonverbal communication. There are 3 separate stages of awareness and skill necessary before you become an expert in verbal and nonverbal communication.
Stage 1 is awareness of the other person. This involves learning the 5 major nonverbal communication channels and how to interpret the other person's nonverbal signals. Basically, they represent a system of scanning the other person for clusters of gestures. Instead of looking for specific movements or postures that "mean" the other person is bored, defensive or angry, a group of gestures from the five channels can be classified into one of three types of signals.
Green signals indicate the person is open and receptive to you.
Yellow signals indicate obstacles to your strategy and warn you to exercise caution. The hidden obstacle must be uncovered before moving on with the communication.
Red signals alert you to stop and redirect your approach.
Monitoring nonverbal signals is not as complicated as it seems. There are only five major nonverbal communication channels:
- Body angle
- Face
- Arms
- Hands
- Legs
How can you tell whether the other person is sending green, yellow or red signals?
First you use the five-channel scan to look for clusters of gestures. A colleague, client, supplier or buyer who is using open, friendly body language in all five channels is sending out green signals.
If he or she is showing signs of tension, defensiveness, doubt or mixes these with friendly messages, you need to proceed with caution when facing such a yellow signal. Increased withdrawal or aggression convey red signals.
The aim of mastering nonverbal communication is for you to prevent red signals by dealing with the other person's hidden problems before they turn into obstacles.
Later in the year I will deal with specific strategies for each type of signal. Until then I hope you have a relaxing summer holiday...
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